My ” Bestfriend ” Wedding

Hari ini Jumat, 23 September 2011 teman baikku menikah. Nuni teman baikku akan menikahi Ricky yang juga teman sesama aku SMA dulu. Sepenggal kisah manis masih aku kenang bagaimana kita pernah berkhayal memiliki pernikahan impian kami masing-masing. Aku sangat bahagia untuknya, setidaknya aku melihat dia tersenyum manis dihari bahagianya dengan mengenakan gaun pernikahan indah yang pasti membuatnya tampak lebih cantik dari hari-hari biasanya.

Hubungan kami kurang baik beberapa bulan ini, akan tetapi aku tidak pernah mau untuk berspekulasi buruk mengenai hal mengapa kami seperti “jauh” sekarang ini. Mungkin, karena aku tidak memiliki apartment di Jakarta, mungkin aku tidak bisa mengikuti gaya hidupnya, mungkin juga aku yang terlalu sayang padanya sehingga kadang keluar kata keras diluar kendali ketika beberapa dia melakukan sesuatu hal yang terkadang aneh dan konyol. Mungkin aku terlalu jujur mengenai perasaanku. Aku akui.. Setidaknya dia bahagia sekarang memiliki teman-teman yang mau berada disekitarnya menuruti dan melindungi dia dari hal buruk. Aku bahagia untukmu Nuni.

Mungkin ketika akad pernikahan airmata bahagia melepas masa lajangmu tak bisa aku bendung. Mungkin aku terlalu naif untuk berbicara langsung denganmu kalau aku turut berbahagia untuk hidup barumu. Aku orang yang terbuang, lebih cocoknya yang tersingkir. Teman baik mungkin tidak ada lagi, tetapi bagiku kenangan indah bersama teman baikku, Nuni akan selalu kukenang.

Selamat menempuh hidup baru Nuni dan pasangan, aku ikut berbahagia untuk hari besarmu. Salam dan peluk hangat dariku untuk “teman baik” yang hari ini menempuh langkah baru di hari penuh kebahagiaan.

I learn

I learned that I cannot force other people to love me. I can only do something for the people that i love.

I learned that it took many years to build trust and only a few seconds to destroy it.

I learned that with my besfriends, i can do many things and we always had the best time.

I learned that people who i think is a bad person, is encouraging me to live and went back to someone that is giving me so much attention.

I learned that true friendship continues to grow even though separated by great distance, that some of them become of true love.

I learned that my best mate, they might ever hurt my feelings, and for that I must forgive him.

I learned, that I must learn to forgive myself and others, if i don’t want guilt-controlled continuous.

I learned, that environment can affect me personally, but I must take responsibility for what I’ve done.

I learned that two people can see an object, but sometimes from a different angle.

I learned, that it doesn’t matter what I have but the matters is who I was actually.

I learned, that there is nothing instant or fast-paced world, all the needed processes and growth, unless I wanted to hurt.

I learned that I had to choose whether to control behavior and emotions or attitudes and emotions are in charge of it myself.

I learned, that I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t mean I should hate and ruthless force.

I learned, that sweet words without action is a time parting with the people that I love.

I learned, that people whom I love is very often taken immediately from my life.

I learned, that I must learn from the mistakes I’ve ever done and lived for the future, not keep looking into the past.

I learned, that what we want are not always consistent with what we need, and we must accept charitable chest.

I learned, that love is give and understand without having to be given and understood.

I learned, that my family is the greatest treasure I ever have.

I learned, that I should not be stopped to learn.

- Cold room/ 13:50/ June 17, 2010 -

Bird on Golden Cage

Been two days like these makes me so confused with my self. I feel like I’m having you but I can’t touch you, I feel you but iIneed more. All the affection nothing compares than if you were here with me. All sudden become nightmare when people around me told me to leave you and find a real life, real one. I know you are real, you are exist baby ; it’s only matter of time. Knowing you’re sick right now makes me so useless, I feel so bad. There’s nothing I can’t do. Only my pray and “virtual” kisses and hugs that I blew to you, I wish I could do more better for you, for you Alan. I miss you most when i’m sad, I miss you most when i’m mad, I miss you most when iIm lonely, but most of all.. I miss you when I’m happy. I wish I could share all my happiness and joy to you. When I feel alone, I just look at the spaces between my fingers, imagine that in those spaces I can see your finger locked with mine.. forever.

If the days won’t allow us to see each other, memories will. And if my eyes can’t see you, baby..my heart will never forget you. Distance between you and me isn’t an obstacle ( just like you said to me ), rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be. I love you so much baby, I’m just feel sad, because you’re not well and I feel so bad baby. I am so sorry. Get well soon baby.

p.s. I always love you.

The Call by Regina Spector

Life moves in a mysterious way, i love him so much and i hope he feel the same way too. Oh, i wish you were here right now..*kiss

it’s a GUY

I love you Mr. Alan Green hahahaha…

So much in love right now..words could not explain how i feel today..i feel blessed. Thank You God, for giving me the right person in life. I hope it will be the last of my journey..

xoxo

…

I NEED A BREAK..

Fcuk

I wish I had something to write right now.. To discuss.. To share.. I have nothing to say. Maybe just simple tiring, hands cold, and melted tears. GROSS!!! Why I feel so mellow this afternoon. I wish, oh I wish.. Wishing that I could turn back time, ego get lost.. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!! Well someone broke my heart long ago and I still cant forget him even I know he never remember me now .. Whenever I say I’ll get over it and smile I know inside of me it’s a lie and all I feel is emptyness and tears began to really hurt while pouring down .. I cant trust people anymore I dont know what I’ve to do to really forget may be I just miss those feelings I felt while he’s there because it’s not making sense that I miss him after all he did..fuck u..fuck off! let’s go get lost..